The 'R' word

This past year I started watching the comedian, Kathy Griffin, and her reality show on BravoTv, My life on the D-list. I know she is rude, crude and at times a bit much, but she does make me laugh! Hysterically at times.
My sister Kristy and I have turned our sister Kim, onto her show. And a few weeks ago they both informed me that they thought I needed a night out, to just laugh. They are such amazing and selfless people and I am beyond lucky to call them my sisters.
Anyway, their idea was to send Mike and I to see Kathy Griffin in concert when she was in town last weekend. Mike isn't a huge fan, but knowing my stress level, I think he would of agreed to sit through 'Madame Butterfly' if I asked him to.
I enjoyed her live, she was very funny. However, somewhere in her banter of banters, she used the 'R' word. It was very flip, she was in the midst of part of her gig and she said something like 'whatever, retard' or 'okay, retard'. I truly don't remember the exact quote. I just remember the word.
On the drive home, as Mike and I talked about the show, he said:

M: I noticed you laughed when she said the word retard. Did you notice her saying it?

K: Of course I noticed, I remember being in the middle of laughter from the bit she was on. But yes, I noticed.

M: What do you think when you hear that word?

K: It bothers me, it actually hurts. But I also know it is used out of ignorance. What can you do?

Mike and I are very new to this whole advocacy thing. We love our Presley and the thought that people could be mean to her with words, adds a dimension of pain to my being, that I never knew could be there.
I also know that people use words without even thinking of the sharpness they can have. The word may not mean something to one person in the room, but it can cut like a knife to another. Furthermore, some people in the room may not even hear the word while it seems deafening to another person.
I have thought about this for several days and one thing I remember from the concert, which I find interesting, is that Kathy Griffin would never use the horrible slang word for African Americans. Several times in her bit, when it pertained, she would say "the N word". She never dared to actually say the word, she just safely referred to it as "the N word".
Obviously, she, like most everybody, is aware how inappropriate and hurtful that word is. Most likely from the fact that there has been such a movement in that regard. And thankfully so.
I don't know if there will ever be a movement toward protecting people with delays, special needs or cognitive issues, in the huge and absolute magnitude that our generation has seen for African Americans. I would hope so, but who really knows.
I do know one thing, there is a movement within me. I am aware. I think that is what much of this is about, awareness.
A slang saying I have said entirely too often, "....I'm gonna shoot myself in the head!" In times when I find myself complaining or frustrated about something I will say... 'if this, or that, happens again, 'I'm gonna shoot myself in the head!'
Well, one of my closest friends lost her husband last year in that very way. I feel certain that if ever those two precious children that he left behind, who understand very well what their father did, hear that phrase, jokingly or flip, none the matter, they will notice, they will hear and it will cut. They have their own need to make people aware.
Having said that expression doesn't make me a horrible person and I certainly won't be boycotting Kathy Griffin.
But I will find a new expression for my frustration. And if this makes even one person reading, rethink a phrase or word in their assemblage of such, then this post was worth the time and I helped in the awareness.